IIIIII I WANNA SOAK UP THE SUUUN I WANNA TELL EVERYOOONE TO LIGHTEN UUUUP

[illegalteendad]

[the beach

babes

bathing suits

ocean

sun and sand

these are things that gold loves and he is enjoying this beach biome to the max

except there's no babes really unless they're diving in the goddamn sea like mermaids so he's standing outside the door to the biome, sandy up to his knees and in his hair and are those bandages they sure are don't pay them no mind]

Hey, wanna go for a swim? There's pizza inside.

[yes he is talking to you

whether you're a hot babe or not WHAT'S A BEACH BASH WITHOUT PEOPLE

there may or may not actually be pizza inside please threadjack and mingle people]

Comments

[deserthobo]

No thank you. I, ah. I do not have a bathing suit!

[illegalteendad]

I can get you one! One-piece or two? I think girls should have two since they've got good stomachs.

[deserthobo]

I do not have the figure for a bathing suits like that. [How to... gently break this...]

[illegalteendad]

Nonsense! Sure, you're completely flat and guyish but I'm positive there's a swimsuit for you.

[deserthobo]

No. I do not think that there is. For, you see... [Awkward pause. The most awkward pause!] I am not a lady.

[illegalteendad]

[...]

Oh. Well, I guess you'll need a one-piece then.

[deserthobo]

No, that is fine. [Nope. Not swimming. Absolutely no one can make him get near the water, except for his very cute girlfriend.]

[illegalteendad]

You're a weird dude. Afraid of the water?

[deserthobo]

Oh, no. Not at all. It is just-- difficult to get all the salt out of my hair!

[illegalteendad]

Well, if you say so. There's tons of other things to do here anyway! You can soak up the sun, no surfing 'cause you don't want salt in your hair, make sandcastles, pick up babes... Let's do the last.

[deserthobo]

Ah, but I cannot do that. I have a cute girlfriend! [Picking up babes sounds suspiciously like cheating.] I think we should make a sandcastle.

[illegalteendad]

Boooring. Who's your cute girlfriend? Can I see a picture? C'mon, let's see her!

[desserthobo]

Yes! Absolutely! [Dimitri loves showing off pictures of his cute girlfriend. He pulls out a print-out from a photobooth out of his pocket, which features a string of cute couple photographs of himself and Manami.] Her name is Mami.

[illegalteendad]

[aw man she's cute

she'll even get a whistle]

Now that's one good looking lady. Where do you find babes like that?

[deserthobo]

Mami and I met in Petalburg City, while volunteering in the "Save the Slatoths" effort!

[illegalteendad]

That's in... what, Hoenn? Looks like I know where I'm goin' on my next vacation.

[illegalteendad]

If it wasn't totally destroyed by those two gangs.

[deserthobo]

Oh, you do not have to worry. Hoenn is not destroyed in the slightest! Tourists are very welcome.

[illegalteendad]

Maybe where you're from, but it's totally wrecked to my knowledge. Team Aqua and your Team Magma totally screwed up.

[desserthobo]

That is not true! [Dimitri's tone is firm.] Team Magma has only Hoenn's best interests at heart.

[illegalteendad]

Yeah, and those "best interests" means there's one less region on the map. Wouldn't be surprised if they just painted it blue.

[deserthobo]

No, no, no. We are expanding the land, not subtracting it. That would be very dangerous! [And that is exactly why Team Aqua just isn't to be trusted.]

[illegalteendad]

If I had a picture, I'd show you. But I don't. So if you're not gonna take my word for it, that's fine, but it's what I know. [shrug!] What's the point of gettin' rid of all the water anyway?

[deserthobo]

I am afraid, sir, that you have been misinformed! Team Magma would never seek to completely eliminate any source of water-- lakes, rivers, swamps, and even the ocean are all very important ecosystems!

Team Magma simply wishes to expand the continent of Hoenn into the ocean. Were you aware that the ocean covers over seventy percent of our world? There is plenty of room.

[illegalteendad]

So what good is Team Aqua then? Just to have a rival?